You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
