The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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