Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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