i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
birth control should be required to get into college
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
