honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
