Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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