So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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