this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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