just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
