He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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