some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
