this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
