I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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