I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
