Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
