Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
