no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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