I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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