I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
