dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
