i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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