Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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