Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
