You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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