Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize