So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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