I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
