Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sober January is a disaster.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
