oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
