I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
