I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
