guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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