Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
