You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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