and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize