Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
