Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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