I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
