By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
