Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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