Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
