I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
