ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
