Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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