How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
