Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
