How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
