Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
