he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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