I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
