i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize