we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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