i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
