Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
