just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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