At least make sure they are 18
Why
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
