I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i dont even know how to be here
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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