I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
