I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
