Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
