Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
