I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
BRING THE BAGELS
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
