My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
