Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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