I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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