i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
