Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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