My room smells like vodka and shame
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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