3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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