i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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