i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
