you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
