K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
