I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
