whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
