I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Less talking, more tequila
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
