I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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