Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
