We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
