when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
