I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
