so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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