So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
