well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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