My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She bit a glass in half.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
