dude i'm inner monologue high
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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