Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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