that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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