theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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