I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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