walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
