The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
