I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
