Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Send help, water and tortillas.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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