so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
