I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
