yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
