sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
