I can tuck mytits in my pants
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
