Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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