i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
