Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
