They should really pass out barf bags in church
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
