I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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