he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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