Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
