I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
