Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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