so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
