I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
