i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
