i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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