I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
They have beer where we have blood.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
