i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize