So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
