I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
