THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
