when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I queefed so loud it echoed.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
