peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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