so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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